The Akatsuki turn into kittens parody
by Ika-Sophie
Summary: Not to be taken seriously. Maybe someone can get a laugh out of this. If you have low standards for stories, you might actually enjoy it. Who knows. Probably not going to be continued.
1. Chapter 1

**_Not to be taken seriously. _**

**_I only put them up so somebody could get a laugh._**

**_If I was being serious this would be much better._**

Sophie's P.O.V

*beep beep beep*

The alarm clock woke me up as usual on Monday.

*beep beep beep*

"5 more minutes..." I muttered, trying to block out the noise with the pillows. Unfortunately my effort was futile.

*beep beep beep*

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted, throwing the alarm clock at the wall.

"Alarm clock 157 broken... Damn why can't you just click the off button like a normal person!?" That would be Amy, my best friend and cousin. With blonde hair and blue eyes you would have guessed that she wasn't related to me, Sophie, who has black hair and red eyes. Creepy? Maybe. But my appearance and personality can scare people off so I am pretty grateful for it. As the daughter of two wealthy posh business owners I get a lot of unwanted attention.

"Go away I'm going to sleep... wake me up if the zombie apocalypse starts..." I sounded out, voice muffled because of my obsession with pillows and blankets.

"Very funny Sophie. NOW GET THE HELL UP!" Amy shouted. I swear I saw a bird drop dead outside the window from how loud she was. Who knew that was even possible?

"M'kay just let me get my pancakes..." I said sleepily while stifling a yawn.

"I swear your love for pancakes is like Naruto's love for ramen! You should eat some cereal or something. I mean it can't be healthy to just eat pancakes for breakfast every morning!" Amy cried out, shaking my shoulders with anime tears running down her face.

That's the thing about Amy and I. We can be shouting one moment, and be completely happy the next. I'm pretty sure that we are bipolar or something. Not that I'd complain about her though. She is better than any alarm clock that I've had and that's saying something.

I made my way downstairs pouring out the orange juice I'd left on the table. I swiftly made my way to the cupboard where I had shop bought pancakes since both me and Amy suck at cooking. The last time we tried we set water on fire. WATER. After that Amy was banned from cooking in school ever again. It was pretty funny seeing the traumatized look of the teacher though. I've always loved mentally scarring people for life. I think that's why my parents don't really care what happens to me as long as my grades are good...

'Meh who cares about the old hags anyway! Go team Sophie!' my inner self screamed. I could imagine her waving a banner inside my head.

I sat down with my buttered pancakes and orange juice. I've never liked syrup.

"So when do you think the harpies will arrive?" Amy asked, eating her cornflakes.

"Whenever pigs start flying and I start eating cereal." I casually replied while sipping my juice.

"Seriously though. Your parents should have arrived a few hours ago! Since school is off for me due to the snow do you think they could have got caught up in the weather?" Amy asked nibbling her lip. Amy is 17 and decided to stay on at school while I'm 18 and have been homeschooled all my life. Not that I care though.

"Probably. I got a text from my teacher to say she couldn't come today. Although they may have decided to stay in America and forget about us completely." I replied sourly while checking my phone. When Amy was 10 her parents decided to start a company in Canada and we have never seen them since. They are in the newspapers often though.

*ring ring*

"No one phones the house phone unless it is important..." I muttered to myself wondering who the heck had the guts to phone my house. I slowly walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked, my finger running across the scar on my neck.

"Hello is this Sophie?" a voice on the other side of the phone asked. I was frowning now. I did not recognize this voice.

"Yes it is. Why are you calling?" I replied with a question of my own hoping that they would get to the point so I could get back to my pancakes.

"Your parents have had a car crash. Both are dead. I am so sorry for your loss." The voice said with an undertone of sadness. All thoughts of pancakes quickly ran out of my mind. My parents were dead. Amy and I where all alone again. My world was getting squeezed tightly. Sure they where hags but they were still my family...

"I see... thank you for telling me..." I managed to whisper. My hands were shaking and my finger was scratching at my scar, telling Amy something was horribly wrong.

"Your mother's sister is going to take care of the funeral so you don't have to worry about that. Your parents money and belongings now are all owned by you. Their businesses are yours too but you don't have to take care of them as your parents have staff who can run them unless you wanted to sell the businesses of course." The woman then hung up, leaving me to tell Amy what happened.

"My parents...dead..." I mumbled incoherently as I slowly sat on the couch. Amy heard and came over to comfort me.

"Don't worry we still have each other." She whispered soothingly to me like I was a child who had just been told off.

"Yeah... I just can't believe it though... I mean they never loved me but if they ever did they didn't have the chance to tell me..." I muttered, wishing that I was 5 again. Back when I was still innocent and could be happy without wondering if my own parents liked me.

"I'm going out for a walk to sort out my mind. I'll be back soon okay?" I said with a sad smile. I really needed to get out of the house.

"Fine but stay safe okay?" Amy gently murmured stroking one of the many blankets I own.

I said that I would as I made my way to the door but as an afterthought I shouted "Believe it!" while gently shutting the door.

Boss' P.O.V

I sighed, closing my laptop. It really was hard work ruling over a world while you had to make appointments to meet the other gods AND write stories...

"Boss, we are ready to start Operation Akatsukitty. We just need your approval." Said Haruka, one of my many workers.

"Right. Remember to scare the wits out of them!" I shouted laughing manically.

"Ehehe ok boss. I'll go get them... BOSS HAS GONE CRAZY AGAIN! CODE BLUE! CODE BL-!" Anything she was about to say was cut off as there was a hand over her mouth and a kunai to the throat.

"Huh who knew my birthday gift from Jashin would actually be useful for something..." I muttered, inspecting the kunai with an evil grin on my face.

"Should I remind you to do your job? Or do you want to be the one to go test if my pit in the Sparta sector is working?" I whispered, looking like an insane person. Which I probably am.

"Sorry boss! It won't happen again!" Haruka near screamed. Well she would have if I didn't have my hand over her mouth.

"Sure... That's what they all say..." I muttered, seriously peeved that people had to assume I was going to go on a killing spree as soon as I made one wrong face. Haruka mysteriously disappeared and was found dead a week later at the bottom of the Sparta pit.

Akatsuki P.O.V

"Does anyone know what's going on?" Pein asked the group that were before him. (A.N. Yeah right more like demanded or ordered...)

"Well I do." The voice of a young girl was heard behind The Akatsuki. Turning round, they could see a 10 year old sitting on a chair sipping at some milk. She had blonde locks framing her face and brown eyes. Overall, it was a cute sight.

"My boss brought you guys here so I could explain what is going on. As you have probably figured out, most of you died. Zetsu, Kisame Konan and Tobi are the ones who lived. Well... some of you would still have died if we hadn't interfered but still. Back to the main point. I am sending you to another world as cats where two girls are going to help you get back to your human form. Of course, it wouldn't be fun if it were that simple. You see, these girls are bipolar, very untrusting, possibly crazy and their lives have been terrible so far. I won't say what happened, so you'll have to find out yourselves. The one who is going to find you is called Sophie, the other is called Amy. They both know who you are and most of your secrets. I should mention if you try to kill them, we will detain you and make you dance to caramelldansen for 72 hours. Yes we are just that evil. No I am not going to tell you what caramelldansen is. Any questions?" There was an awkward silence after the girl spoke. Everyone was trying to digest what she just said.

"A GAY BABY WAS JUST BORN!" The girl screamed out, earning disturbed looks from the people (A.N. If you could even call some of them that...) in the room.

"What? Boss said every time there is an awkward silence a gay baby is born. Don't ask me how that works but I think someone awesome has been made." (A.N. I like gay people, they tend to be awesome. I honestly don't understand why some people don't like them. If you now have a problem with me and/or my story for liking gay people then you can leave.)

"Who are you and who is your boss?" Konan asked, still getting over the fact that Pein was alive.

"A very sensible question! I am Natsumi and as for my boss? I honestly have no clue. You can just refer to her as boss, all the gods do even though she doesn't hold that much power compared to them. She is liked by them though, probably because she is very sadistic..." Natsumi muttered the last part but it was still heard.

"What did you just say Natsumi?" A voice whispered in her ear. She froze up in shock.

"Ahahaha I was just saying how beautiful you were...yeah..." Natsumi was now sweating bullets.

"Oh god your face! You look like I'm going to throw you in the Sparta pit like the other 37 people that have called a code blue or said anything about me being a sadist..." Boss started off with a cheerful tone but it got scarier towards the end.

"Oh yeah! One more thing... Tobi is to be a good boy or I will kill Tobi... understand?" Boss whispered sounding very threatening while still managing to sound happy.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cried out. "Deidara-sempai save me!"

"Get off me, un!" Deidara shouted while trying to push Tobi off of him and failing. Badly.

"Good. I don't want blood stains in my carpet... it cost me a lot. Ja Ne!" And with that, Boss disappeared. Of course, she was never there in the first place and no one knew what she looked like but her presence wasn't felt in the room anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Sophie's P.O.V

I walked down the stone path, looking sadly at the large oak tree to the left of the house. That was my place, where I could forget everything and just paint. I sighed warily and plonked myself down while my left hand grasped my paintbrush I had brought out from my pocket. I flipped through my waterproof notebook I had left in a box next to the tree.

Boss' P.O.V

"OK WHO WROTE THIS CRAP!?" I politely inquired, holding chapter 1 in my hand.

"W-what's wrong miss?" Akise asked, slightly cowering from my beauty.

"WHAT'S WRONG!? HAVE YOU READ THIS!? IT'S TERRIBLE! IT LOOKS LIKE IT HAS BEEN WRITEN BY A DRUNK 11 YEAR OLD!" I gracefully answered his question.

"S-sorry miss b-but my writing skills aren't the best and no one else would do it!" Akise cried out.

"I give you one job..." I grumbled, sitting with my back to him in the emo corner.

"S-sorry miss... I will give chapter 2 to Mary! JUST PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" He screamed out while running at speeds even Minato would find hard to keep up with.

"What's his problem?" I wondered while writing in my Death Note.

Sophie's P.O.V

I blinked. Was I really seeing this? Right above my head a neon sign with 'YOU ARE A WINNER' was flying about madly. 'Huh. That is something you don't see every day.' I proceeded to ignore it and just get back to my painting.

"Woah woah woah! You did not just look away!" A voice came out of the sign, it sounded like an Australian boy, around 19ish.

"I believe I did, actually." I replied nonchalantly, not looking up from my art.

If it was possible, the sign looked like it was scowling down on me. Not that I was bothered though. Nothing distracts me from my art.

"Your parents aren't dead!"

Well there is always a first time. But what did he mean by that? Was I perhaps imagining this because I was hoping it would be a happy ending?

"Look. Your parents aren't dead, my Boss just sent them to another dimension. We hypnotised the world into believing they are."

"Who is this boss? And how did she do such a thing?" I asked coldly. It was as if the air around me went down a few degrees.

"Boss is nobody, and has never been. She has the powers of a God and yet remains unseen." The sign replied, not really answering my question the way I wanted. I decided to ask another question instead of pursuing an answer I would never get.

"What do you want with me? I hardly imagine you would do all of this for no reason." He shifted under my glare, I probably looked murderous.

"Boss ordered me and the others to write a terrible fanfiction for the hell of it. It's one of those Akatsuki kitten ones if you are wondering." The sign chuckled weakly, turning into a kangaroo.

"Others? Wait... OH HELL NO I AIN'T GONNA BE A MARY SUE! YOU GIVE ME A HALF ASSED BACKGROUND STORY AND F***ING RED EYES FOR AMUSMENT? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO F*** UP OTHERS LIFES? AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU A KANGAROO? ...That actually makes some sense in a twisted sort of way... I wonder what you would taste like?" Getting freaked out by my train of thoughts, the sign-kangaroo decided to distract me.

"Don't worry this will not be a my immortal type of fanfiction. You might be Maryish but you will be unlike any other that Boss has seen. And to answer your first question, Boss has many minions as she likes to call us. The pay is pretty good if you are willing to risk losing your life. He started muttering absently while glaring at a particularly bad bruise on his shoulder that I had no possible way of seeing because he was a kangaroo.

And in a flash of bright light, I discovered a box in front of me, and no kangaroo-boy.

"...That has to be my weirdest experience ever." I spoke to myself quietly in sign language for the hell of it.

I sighed, and went to open the box when I saw a note.

'Don't worry, we will get the clothes and stuff _if _they ever turn back into humans.

P.S You and the other chick we can't remember the name of right now are not bipolar. The guy who wrote that chapter died by a heart attack and we now have Mary working on the case. Your mood swings have no logical cause to them at all, we just decided to do it for the kicks.

P.P.S We hypnotised the nurse to give a crappy whatever-you-call-it and it was hilarious that nobody commented on how terrible it was.

P.P.P.S You've both got something going on there, no idea what it is, nor do I care.'

"How sweet." I muttered sarcastically, fully aware of the italics on 'if'.

On opening the box, not only did I show surprise, I made sure to back away a bit. That Kanga guy didn't say what genre this is and he could definitely kill me off if he wished. Inside the box was 10 cute looking kittens with most looking like they had eaten the sourest lemon on earth. The one I assumed to be Hidan was gagged and tied up. While the Tobi-cat looked like he was sulking in the corner.

"VOLDFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!" I screamed, earning a mixture of weirded out and annoyed glances.

"Damn, you guys couldn't understand me. Makes sense that you would speak Japanese." I spoke quietly... in Japanese.

For that I earned quite a few wide eyed looks and meows.

"Just because you can understand me doesn't mean I can understand you, you adorable bastards." I cooed, fully intent of annoying the hell of them despite the risk they posed. And with that, I walked back to the house, telling them stories of my epic battles with cooking.


	3. Chapter 3

Amy's P.O.V

"...Those kittens aren't really kittens are they? And since when did you speak Japanese?" I was curled up in the fetal position rocking myself back and forth.

"Since 5 minutes ago. Some random sign guy gave me the cats. And according to him, these cats are the You-Know-Who's of the ninjaverse."

"How do you know it's not a prank? He could have spray-painted them!" I was losing my cool now. It was difficult to breathe.

Was.

That was until some random dude with a frog head appeared. Then I fainted.

Sophie's P.O.V

"Yo yo yo! Wazzup ma man? 'Names DJ Flappers and don't ya forget it!"

I blinked at the sight and decided to play along.

"Nuttin much. Just chillin' bro. 'Names Sophie."

"Nice ta meetcha ma man! Boss gave me an inhaler for the gal down there."

He gave me the inhaler and disappeared in a burst of gummy bears.

"Forgot this." He muttered and in a flash of light, a kittens paradise would be found.

There was 20 different saucers with food and water, and on the left of my once spare bedroom stood a giant kitty castle with beds and scratching posts inside. It looked very comfy too.

"Damn." I whistled.

I put down the box that held the kittens in and all was chaos.

Narrator's P.O.V

Tobi was dragging Deidara along with him to explore the mansion, but Deidara was clinging onto Sasori so tightly that he ended up coming along as well.

Pein and Konan were curious too, but decided to let the others have fun and settled for setting out rooms for everyone.

Zetsu was meowing to himself, earning a few chuckles from Sophie, who was taking Amy to her bedroom so she could rest.

Itachi and Kisame were sitting at the side of the room, talking to each other it seemed.

Kakuzu was calculating how much all the food would have cost while restraining Hidan from eating. Leading to a fight. Of course.

Boss' P.O.V 

"Why does the writing style change so much every chapter?" I asked my assistant, Darcy.

"People keep dying so others have to take over for them Boss."

"...I see. And when does Jashin come round?"

"Ten earth seconds Boss."

"Yo! How are you doing Misses B?"

"Jashin don't call me that. I'm only a few hundred years old. I'm not doing too well though. All my minions keep dying and my project isn't coming along very well."

"Hidan-chan is ok isn't he?!" Jashin asked, like a worried mother.

"Yes he is fine. Why are you so worried?" Darcy asked, looking up from her/his? work.

"Hidan is my best priest. Sacrifices and prayers keep a God alive. Since a lot of my temples were destroyed, he became my main lifeline. Besides, I talk to him a lot." Jashin explained, while wondering what gender Darcy was.

Darcy looked like either an effeminate guy or a tomboyish girl. Even Boss didn't know Darcy's gender. She tended to be called a girl and didn't seem to really care. If anything, it amused her.

"That's nice." Darcy went back to her work leaving a confused God and his opposite to talk.

"I've been thinking-"

"That's new." In return Boss got a scowl.

"I've been thinking and I think I'd like to try make my own fanfiction."

"Jashin... that could end badly."

"Like your mom's pregnancy?"

"OOOH BURN!" Shouted some soon-to-be-dead guys at the back of the room.

"You know what I mean. Messing with another world's time stream doesn't end well."

"I'll borrow your multi-dimensional computer then."

"What makes you think I'll let you?"

"I have cookies."

"Deal."

"Hell yeah!" Just as Jashin was about to leave I decided to leave him some of my wisdom.

"By the way, my mother isn't pregnant and hasn't been since she gave birth to me. The way you said your insult made it seem like you were talking about my non-existent sibling. That or I am still in my mother's womb. I seriously doubt I am."

Before Jashin could say anything, he was teleported back to his realm.

"Heh. Who's the Boss?"

"You're the Boss." Replied my minions. Sometimes I wondered why I hated them so much.

"You're also a ******** mother of **** with a ***** bucket of ***** and a whole bathtub full ****** chicken ****** in a tower far, far away *** *** danger ****** pie." Continued the same people who had declared my non-existent burn.

"Time to die."

The tortured screams could be heard by storm troopers in a galaxy far, far away.


	4. Chapter 4

Jashin's Fanfiction

Jashin was sitting in his throne, pondering what horrible destruction he would cause today, when he felt a disturbance in the force. Another Mary-Sue was after Hidan. He had to save his precious!

"Wait for thee! Your gallant knight shall rescue you!"

Jashin grabbed his flowing black cape and teleported with his awesome.

Right after Hidan was ambushed by the horrible thing known as a *shudder* _fangirl_.

"Hidan-sama! OMG I can't believe it's you! Now I can join the akatsuki and kill that bleeping beep Shikamaru! Then I'll have your babies and then-"

"Not even worth beeping sacrificing. Seriously what is up with these beeping fangirls?" Hidan enquired, looking at Kakuzu with jealousy.

"You hardly get any beeping beep fangirls!"

"Shut up Hidan. I had to deal with 7 this month. Not that I'm complaining. The money I made from selling those music devices was enough to pay for Tobi's candy debt."

Jashin chose this moment to step in.

"Hidan-chan are you okay!?"

And landed right on top of Kakuzu. Making ryo fly out of Kakuzu's pockets. If Jashin wasn't a god, he probably would have thought he was going to die.

"_What do you think you are doing to my money?" _Kakuzu growled, pushing Jashin off of him and bending down to get his oxygen. If it was possible, Kakuzu probably would breathe cash.

"SorryaboutthatIwasjustleaving!" Jashin was already in the other direction, running far, far away from the miser. Leaving Hidan confused and upset.

"J-Jashin-sama?" He cried out, in what would be an OOC moment, but Kakuzu had been carrying needles to sell on the black market. That particular needle held a fast working drug that made someone angsty. Not what Kakuzu wanted to deal with.

"JASHIN-SAMA!"

Yes, definitely not what he wanted at all.


	5. Chapter 5

The Misadventures of Sophie's Parents

"John."

"Yes dear?"

"Where are we?"

The sky was dark red, and it felt like they were in an oven. For those of you in the audience who don't understand what I am getting at, the sky is blue, and it was snowing before John and Mary, Sophie's parents, found themselves in this situation.

"I believe, dear, that we are in a movie set."

"Aren't the effects added afterwards?"

"New technology dear."

"I see... That would explain it."

Looking around, all they could see was bananas. The ground was made of bananas, the hills were made of bananas and the trees were made of bananas.

"How do you suppose they managed that John?" Mary said, pointing to the tree they had settled under. The bananas were defying gravity.

"Who knows? It would be a secret I suppose. This might be a new fad. Like those people who balanced rocks in positions that looked to be impossible."

"Hopefully it will be over quickly. At least the rocks won't make a mess."

The Misadventures of Sophie's Teacher

Mrs. Beaver found herself in a clearing full of ponies. Ponies that could talk. Ponies that had tattoos on their rear ends. Ponies that had her tied to a spit over a fire and were chanting what sounded like a children's song about cooking.

"All you have to do is add a bit of salt~"

She was not paid to deal with this shit.

The misadventures of Jashin

"Boss."

"Yes Jashin?"

"Why did you edit my fanfiction?"

We currently find ourselves in Jashin's realm, a place with lots of bunnies, and rabbits and-

Ok, you got me. It was actually more like a red light district than a children's show. But that didn't change the fact that rabbits were being sold as food.

"I could say I have no idea what you are talking about and argue for a few hours, but I have people to see, things to do. I decided I would make the ending more realistic."

"That wasn't realistic at all! And this, coming from the person who has a ****ing sign-kangaroo as a messenger!?"

"You saving Hidan from Kakazu when he is angry about his money is unrealistic. And besides, my messenger is real, therefore is realistic. Have you seen Kakazu angry? Not even I would send one of my minions down there!"

"That might be due to the fact you get their ****ing memories, *****."

"I only get their memories if they die. *******. My point still stands."

"Tch. If you hadn't decided to experiment with horcruxes, shadow clones and blood clones, you would've been able to have other people do it."

"I get to pay myself. Besides, if you want something done right, you should just do it yourself!"

"Hmph. Fine. But if you make Hidan think I'm a scaredy-cat, you'll suffer, S-"

"DON'T USE MY NAME JASHIN! I'm not going to do that, I have no reason to. But if you try to use my name again..."

This statement was followed by a foreboding gesture, one that would have men cowering at Boss' feet. The gesture was known across the word, as the hand movements to the caramelldansen.

"R-right. I'll be going now. I have an appointment. You can let yourself out."

And with those last words, both Boss and Jashin teleported out of the area.


	6. Chapter 6

Sophie's P.O.V

Sophie wasn't a happy bunny. Of all the things to forget, they _had_ to forget the litter boxes. A chorus of equally angry cries came from the general area of her feet.

Why was this taking so long?

"Sorry, we were just having our lunch break. We forgot to explain that you won't actually need to go to the bathroom at all. Avoid the awkwardness and all that." A man that had a beak chuckled.

He disappeared as soon as he had arrived.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" I furiously muttered, annoyed and in need of a better explanation.

"Sohfeh." Amy sobbed from the other room.

"Sohfeh whast happenin to meh?"

I sighed and let myself into her room, making sure the cats would be okay. Amy had tried to eat bananas. Again.

"Amy, I know you like bananas, but if you're allergic you really shouldn't go near them, let alone eat them."

"Youze don owe meh."

I walked over to her side table and picked up the allergy medicine. Hopefully she wouldn't put up a fight.

"Noze ges awas!"

"Amy if you want to feel better you need to take the medicine." I stated forcefully as I stared her down.

"Fien." She wailed as she gave in to my superior glaring abilities.

"Good girl." She let me put the spoon of medicine in her mouth and pouted a little.

...Not that you could tell. Her face and lips were swollen and she looked a bit like a pufferfish.

"A don wan use her. Ges awas."

"Okay, but I'm taking the bananas."

She huffed a little, and I smiled. She had no idea I knew about her secret stash.

Narrator's P.O.V

The kittens were miffed. That _civilian _had the audacity to order them around. _Them! The Akatsuki!_

They couldn't really do anything about it though. They could protest all they want, but all they would be able to do was hiss.

Heck, they couldn't even scratch Sophie. If they did, they'd be toast.

Realising this, Nagato was annoyed by the half-assed evil plots Hidan was coming up with. You couldn't even call them plots really. They were pretty much all the same thing, "sacrifice her to Jashin-sama."

Meanwhile...

Jashin was proud. He was prouder that a parent that had seen their child win an award for good behaviour _and_ academics. He was so proud in fact, you could literally see the fire in his eyes.

It was honestly creeping out the hipsters and authors that surrounded him.

Yes, Jashin, God of destruction and death, was in Starbucks.

Drinking coffee.

Reading this very chapter.

Giggling like an eight year old girl.

Feeling immensely proud of Hidan.

"I've decided. I'm going to visit!" And with that, he ran out into the snow covered street, leaving a lukewarm coffee and some very confused people.


End file.
